Screwed.edu
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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