i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
