Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
