OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
