she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
