he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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