I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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