I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
