He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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