I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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