He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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