So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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