she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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