Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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