i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
