So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
