Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
