somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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