yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
