Your mouth is God's brothel.
I bet he comes in French.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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