it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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