you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
