Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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