OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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