just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
