You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
