Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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