You made me cry and you don't even care
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
