I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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