he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
