seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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