Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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