no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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