I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My pussy is not your playground.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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