So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
