I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
