I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
