So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
