Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
