I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
