Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
