im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
