I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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