i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
