I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
