it was like his penis was on wheels.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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