it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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