OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
