So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
