Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
