all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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