did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
