Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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