there was a trapeze. enough said
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
