Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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