im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
