After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
