that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
