Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
