i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
