Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize