If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
