He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize