I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
