I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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