she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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