whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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