another moral hangover. fuck.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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