laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Still dying that you shit outside
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
