So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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