I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
