I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
