did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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