Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
