So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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