Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
