this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
